Swine flu ain't the worst of it; Creed is reforming for a tour and a new album this summer.

And if that wasn't enough to make you cough up your lunch, singer Scott Stapp calls this special occasion a "renewing and a rebirth."

However, while this is a most unfortunate announcement and a giant setback for humanity ... I, for one, am quite excited.

Yes--excited. Why? Let me tell you why. There was so much DREADFUL music dominating the charts in the late nineties (e.g. Creed), that all that swill (see also: Limp Bizkit, boy bands, Masta P, etc) spurred on some of the best music as a reaction to the big load of crap on the airwaves. So a return from the schmoes of Creed could spur some kids to get together and write some incredible new reactionairy stuff. And if you ask me, that's what the music world needs right now--someone to hate, some awful bands to loathe. Who better than the grand-daddy of 'em all.

Creed, welcome back.

Of course, it's possible the rest of the world has picked up on the fact that Creed and it's fantasticly self-righteous music is a joke, and will treat this "rebirth" as such. Could be duller than when Guns N Roses put out Chinese Democracy. But my hope is that America eats it up so young America can chew it up, swallow it, and spit something new, exciting, and wild back in their faces.

One of this blog's original motivations was to review new music, because (duh) I listen to it more than the average human being. It's my super power. I should do that more. But instead of reviewing with strong arguments and reasons, I'll just fly off the handle with first impressions, and leave it at that. Should be quite entertaining, actually.

So on that note (you know by now that puns are always intended here);

Slipway Fires, the new (and third) Razorlight album is the most boring thing I've heard all year. And my God, look at the cover art. What is that--Hollywood Squares? And why does Johnny (frontman) look like a porn actor from the eighties? What happened to the band that was so exciting on their debut Up All Night? They went from sounding like a rambunctious Kinks/Sex Pistols hybrid to sounding like an opening act for Celine Dion in just 3 albums. Lame. Lame. Lame.

However, "In The City" (from their debut) remains one of the best songs ever written.

Well, uh... that's the sweetest thing I've seen in a while. It's called "Barack Obama Nude On A Unicorn" by artist Dan Lacey. Way to rep the unicorns, Dan. Oddly, it reminds me Paul Revere.
"The Republicans are coming! The Republicans are coming!"

Though there are many, one of the most memorable lines from last summer's The Dark Knight is "this is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object."

It's such a great line and was perfectly used in the context of the movie. But recently, I've heard it pop up in a number of other places from the past too.

First, I heard it in a Wrestlemania clip, when the announcer referred to the Hulk Hogan vs. Andre The Giant match as the same thing. "This is the unstoppable force versus the immovable object!" or something to that length.

And then, I was listening to Pulp's classic This Is Hardcore album yesterday and the song "Seductive Barry" included this (hilarious) verse:

I've wanted you for years. I only needed the balls to admit it. When the unbelievable object meets the unstoppable force, there's nothing you can do about it.

I guess the unstoppable force here is, oh you know, lust. And the unbelievable object would be some vivacious lady. But it works to the same effect.

And a quick search around the internets would indicate that this line has been used as a tease riddle for quite some time. "What happens when an unstoppable object meets an unstoppable force?" Turns out this hypothetical phenomenon is called the "irresistable force paradox.

So now I must wonder... where did the Nolan brothers (who wrote the Dark Knight) crib that line from? Are they Hulkamania fans? Pulp fans? Did they come across it as a riddle in a newspaper in 1980s? Physics class?

Or perhaps, the better question is what DOES happen when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object? Do they shake hands? Does unstoppable buy immovable a beer? A cranberry juice? Does unstoppable bodyslam immovable to the mat and drop the atomic big leg on his big hairy chest? Does he string him up and let the police cart him off to Arkham Asylum? Does the universe collapse on itself? Do elephants fly? Do I suddenly become well-paid and really cool?

It's a question that raises countless more questions, but I think pop culture has taught us that unstoppable force often is the victor.

You probably hate me. By now, you've probably given up all hope on looking to me to write my treasured thoughts on a regular basis here. If the fresh content of this blog was a carton of milk, it would be well past the expiration date and curdling.

But rest assured, my lack of writing has nothing to do with lack of things to write about. So instead of this tired charade of writing more about how I haven't been writing, I'll just use this post to list and link some of the past few weeks' finer things, in no particular order:

Where The Wild Things Are
Finally, the ultimate children's book has a live action movie trailer. Watch that, my friend, and become an overjoyed person. The movie, slated for wide theatrical release October 16, 2009 was adapted from Maurice Sendak's original by Spike Jonze (score!) and author Dave Eggers (more score!). The movie has been in the works for a while, and based on this trailer, it'll be more than worth the wait. The Stoke Meter is high on this one.

Death Cab For Cutie - The Open Door EP
This small collection of leftover tracks from last year's brilliant, beautiful "Narrow Stairs" is a winner. At this stage in their career, I think Death Cab continues to be one of the most exciting and genuine bands still kicking and breathing right now.

The Gaslight Anthem
I toot this band's horn quite a bit too, but pick up this month's copy of Alternative Press magazine and read the cover story on them. If you don't already appreciate what they're doing for rock n' roll, you will.

I Love You, Man
See this movie. Best comedy I've seen in a while, and not because it's hilarious as a buddy movie and a date movie at the same time. Because it humorously maps out and pokes at the entire male psyche. Basically, if you don't understand guys; this movie does.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine / Star Trek / Terminator: Salvation / Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen
These are all things I am, abnormally, nerding out over right now. All four will probably be the big 4 movies of the blockbuster season, kicking off with the sniktedy Wolvie on May 1.

Lost is the best thing on TV right now
Trouble is, if you haven't seen every episode of every season (or the prerequisite patience to put up with that), you are--frankly--lost. But seriously, every new episode blows another piece of my brain clean out of my skull. The show practically re-invents itself and it's story, tone, and concept every half-season. And with the grand end looming, it's really starting to gain some momentum. If you need an excuse to Netflix all the seasons leading up to this one and catch up in time for next winter's final season, now is as good a time as any.

Iron Man 2 started filming
And if you've been following as nerdiously as I have, you know Mickey Rourke is playing some bad guy, Scarlett Johanson and her notoriously bovine set of lips will be decked out in latex for the role of Black Widow, Sam Rockwell as rival industrialist Justin Hammer.

Speaking of Rourke...
He showed up at Wrestlemania 25, only to punch Chris Jericho in the face? FAIL.

Speaking of wrestling, and the WWE...
Why the (explicit) am I watching Monday Night Raw again?? It's worse than when I stopped watching it about 5 years ago for crap sake. Actually, I'm watching it to spite Heroes, which has taken the biggest nose dive in the history of serialized tv story telling. Not even Sylar is cool on that show anymore, and that's just sad. Seriously Heroes, you went from Spiderman 2 good to Elektra bad.

The Mercury's Build A Phil
We printed a wallsize poster of Cole Hamels in The Mercury. And I want you to take a picture of yourself with it and enter this contest.

The Mercury's Extreme Makeover
You got until 5 pm today to win a free makeover for the summer from us! Hurry!

Pottstown's Bark For Life Top Dog Contest and Canine Relay
Vote for the top dog, AND join in the fight against cancer at the same time. That, if you ask me, is the right tree to bark up. AND don't miss the Canine Relay Saturday morning at Sunnybrook. Bring your dogs out to walk, and bark, and fight cancer, and have a good time.

The Healthy Lifestyles Expo
Come out to Montgomery County Community College this Friday, 9:30 am-1:30 pm. You can engage in a good ol' fashioned q-and-a session with our famed political columnist Tony Phyrillas, get yourself caricatured for free by the inker of Skippy and Dot (and hundreds of our classic editorial cartoons), Alan MacBain, get a free lunch, win $100 cash and other door prizes, get all kinds of free health screenings from participating vendors, meet State Rep Thomas Quigley, learn more about healthy lifestyles and better living from more than 70 vendors, and etc, etc, etc. Seriously, it's a great time every year. Don't miss it dude!

Do you read The Mercury?
Tell us about it.

I didn't know Susan Dames that well.

Sure, I knew the basics, like:

1. She is easily one of Bruce Springsteen's top ten biggest fans, ever. (I'm fairly certain she's seen the E-Street boys perform in at least five dozen different venues.)
2. She traveled widely around the world as a model in her younger years.
3. Along with her husband, she is responsible for the area's annual Bandanna Blues Festival.
4. She was as gracious and unabashedly joyful as they come.
   

And maybe that's plenty to know about a person, but she wouldn't have settled on knowing only four things about any person. From the day she met me nearly two years ago, she went out of her way to know me better. She asked me what new albums I was spinning, asked me how the novel I always blab about writing is coming, asked about my travels through Europe, about my weekends, etc. She wanted to hear everything I had to say about whatever (and listened!). But the special thing is she was this way with every person she met, whether they showed interest in her or not.

For years, her beloved Springsteen has sung "everybody's got a hungry heart," but when the Boss wrote those lyrics down decades ago, he obviously didn't know Sue Dames. No heart was hungrier for life, love or music than hers. The song should go "everybody needs a Sue Dames heart."

So in memory of Sue on this day, I'd like to dedicate this song by the Boss to her. From all of us here at The Mercury, we'll miss you, SuSu.

Bruce Springsteen - "Waitin' On A Sunny Day"
(click song title link to download mp3, or read lyrics here)

Last year, I literally gave myself a mere three frickin' days to conceive and produce Songs For Relay, my self-made charity compilation for last year's Relay for Life in Pottstown.

Not to be selfish, but I was thinking of getting some sleep while working on the sequel this year. So I'm starting now, instead of--you know--the week of.

The gist is this: cancer sucks. And music is how I deal with things that suck. Just ask any of my ex-girlfriends. So, I put songs that I feel carry weight for people who are dealing with something heavy, like cancer, on a mix CD and sell it for $5 in tandem with The Pottstown Relay For Life.

All 500 pennies from each sold comp go to Pottstown's Relay For Life, who give all the money to the American Cancer Society (we raised over a milly two years ago). Artists who lend me their songs get nothing, and I get nothing. But we all sleep soundly at night knowing we used music to help someone through something, man. Bono would be proud.

So, it's time for some more songs for Relay. I don't need songs about cancer or dealing with it specifically. For instance, the song that gave me the idea to do this whole thing was a beautiful live cut of My Morning Jacket's "Bermuda Highway" (from the Acoustic Citsuoca EP). Listening to it filled me with strength. It's not a song about dealing with a difficult disease, but about not giving up on your hopes, dreams, and passions. Those are the songs I want: strong songs.

I'll approach artists/managers both big and local to get some songs on this year's comp, but don't be shy if you got the perfect song for this and are willing to help out. I'll do more to promote the bands I use this year too, because you know, I'm giving myself more than 3 days to pull the whole thing together. So send me some submissions, whether you're U2 or a local solo guy that's never played a live show.

Last year, I sold 100 copies (remember, I sequenced, burned, pasted, taped, and distributed totally on my own), raising $500. The goal this year is to double that.

Send your band's submissions to c.march@hotmail.com
or
The Mercury ATTN: Chris March 24 N. Hanover Street Pottstown, PA 19464

Look forward to hearing from you.